Gimme A Ticket For An AeroPLAAANe

Idol -- what the hell is the theme? They used to pick easily recognizable ones. This was something about British Pop and whatever.

Little Steven was so fun with Jimmy. I always expect him to whack somebody now, though.

First Round

Hollie: River Deep, Mountain High. Usually, I hate this song, because Idols like it and usually butcher it. I actually liked Hollie's take on it a lot. She really showed the stamina that is lacking in virtually all the remaining contestants, because she shook her money maker and never lost breath (see Jessica). But they put her in the KOD spot, so even though they praised her, she could get forgotten.

BTW, do we have to have this be TWO HOURS, Idol? Didn't they start paring it down by now in seasons past? This is a lot to ask of us, assholes.

Phil: The Letter. We actually liked this. It was in Phil's groove. Funny how Little Steven responded to his don't-give-a-shit attitude as "artistry". But here it clicked.

Skylar: Fortunate Son. She was working her ass off to over-perform a song that she had no idea was about. Total disconnect for me. I told Dr. L she could have been singing the alphabet, and it would have sounded the same. I didn't like it, but maybe it resonated with the Southern voters. She worked it like it was a hoedown, not a protest song.

Jessica: Proud Mary. Ha! This sucked, but was entertaining in the way she hopped around like she was stepping onto a bed of blazing hot coals in those ridiculous heels. It was screechy, and she was completely phoning in a Tina Turner dance thing. Just laughably bad, and you know it when Randy tries to throw the first comment to someone else.

Joshua: Ain't Too Proud To Beg. God Almighty, that outfit is crazy. It's a totally Karaoke performance, not especially bad, but completely forgettable. I will never forget that jacket, however. They praise him as if he's the second coming of Marvin Gaye or something. I don't get it.

BTW, I got a good look at what was on the judges tables, that they read every night now. It's typed up, so it's definitely not "notes". It's Nigel's script, no doubt.

Round Two:

Hollie: Some Leona Lewis song. Dr L says this is very popular, so maybe it's a great choice. I think she did another fantastic job. If the award goes to consistency, then Hollie wins the night. But we all know it's down to personalities now, and she'll be hazily forgotten after the "big" moments coming after this.

Phil: Time of the Season. This is not one of those moments. I applaud Phil for actually toying with a melody for once, but holy crap that was uncomfortable when he tried to hit the highs. The judges were trying not to comment on it it but, I think everybody felt the pain. If he didn't pull the usual Phil faces when he did it we wouldn't be grimacing as hard. Mostly a Fail.

Skylar: You Don't Have To Say You Love Me. The first part was actually good. She can sing, damn it. But then she couldn't stand it, and had to screech out the "power" section. Ironically, she had more real power when she was restrained. Still, far better than her first number. Some medium pimpin'.

Jessica: You Are So Beautiful. Wow, reminded me that she can actually sing. Even though she tried to ruin it at the end with the overblown melisma, she built up so much good will on the front end, it was forgivable. Great song choice TPTB made for her. She should forget the stupid Beyonce/BB Chez bullshit and just try to sing. JLo tried to do a mea culpa about using the save on her, as if this justified it. Yeah, this was great, but we had to suffer though weeks of shitty songs from her to get here again. This, with the smoke, candles, and the reclining pose wins the pimp award of the night.

Joshua: To Love Somebody? Another attempt at a "moment". MUCH better than the first song, but he's been better than this. He and many of the Idols this year degenerate into predictable tics at the end of songs, the same runs, etc. This was no exception. He just throws some generic soul-scat on the end and calls it a day, as his eyeballs get red from the strain. Then they fawn all over it: best singer of the last 50 years? I want some of that crack you're smoking JLo, it's powerful stuff.

Bottom three? Should be Phil, Josh, and BB Chez.
Probably will be Hollie, Skylar and Jessica, though, with BB Chez going home (or maybe that's just my fantasy at this point).