Here Come Old Flat Top

Top 9 nite: The Idols sing the Beatles? John Lennon is spinning in his grave.

Glad to see Nikki made it tonite. Mariah's optical illusion dress isn't really working -- souldn't the sparkly circles get smaller as they go down? It's like a Bedazzler explosion.

The Idols look a little more polished. Then a Carly Rae Jepson/Coke ad? Isn't she just one random pop hit away from being as unknown as these fools on this show? 

Ooh! The Sing Off contest -- OMG, it's the freak kid! This has to be VFTW's work. Ha!!! Charley gets shot down again -- wow, Idol, that's especially cruel. Back the bus up and hit him again LOL.

OK, kicking it off with Kree. In the KOD spot, but Idol often puts the front runners in here to shake things up in the pimp spots. They're REALLY laying on the sob story here. Jimmy likes her. Aaannd the choir walks in. Her voice is nice, clear and strong, but this is a kind of lifeless performance. It's interesting to me, hearing Nikki say she doesn't sound like the original-- seems that now EVERY person who sings this song uses the Joe Cocker arrangement. 

Next up, Urkel. Burnell has a sweet family. But how does someone not know Let It Be? Holy shit. When they put the Plant in at number one, usually number 2 is the new KOD. His jacket made of pleather belts is unusual, though. Like a pleather mummy. He has a weird kind of delivery that people probably either love or hate. I happen to hate it. He can sing, but it's so quirky it throws me off. The crowd seems to love it though. And there's that god damned choir! All in all, he did well, considering he didn't know the song. Dr. L likes him, because he has that R & B vibe. Nikki liked it too. I didn't hear anything new or original from Kree or Burnell, but they want us to think we did.

Side note -- Keith Urban is too nice to be here. 

Amber -- wow, she grew up in the STICKS. Her family seems nice -- dad only asks her to WIN it, LOL. Jimmy schools her on trying the fancy shit, if she just sings it, she'll kill it. Wow, she comes out looking like a million bucks. She has a beautiful voice, but I wish she had more emotional connection to the song. That's age and inexperience, though. The audience responds like trained monkeys whenever somebody jumps up an octave. I guess vocal gymnastics is all it takes to impress people in this autotune age. Still, she was easily the best of the night so far. 

Lazaro -- from Naples FL? Cool. Jimmy's take on Lazaro's song choice, not so cool? Jimmy has problems with it. I love this song. Holy crap, this jacket is yellow.  Is he off key? His delivery often sounds mumbled to me. This was a big miss for me, kind of forgettable and warbly. The judges don't want to bash him, but he kind of knew it himself. He's sweaty and unsure. I think he's coasting on sympathy votes at this point anyway. Dr. L is very distracted by the metallic sink trap thing on Randy's jacket. 

Oh, now we hear they changed his song at the last minute--- Idol mind games!

Candice -- Love seeing all these small towns in the family packages.  Come together! I loved this song back in the day. Jimmy is trying to get her in the mindset to sing this song. She's a better natural performer, but this is an odd song to pick. Kind of a rock-ish song, not a lot of natural parts for a big vocalist to shine. She is Dr. L's favorite singer competing here, and maybe mine too. One thing you can say is that she actually stepped outside the box, unlike most of the others, and  maybe this worked well enough. A good performance. Still hoping to hear a great one tonight.

So funny, Ryan mugging for the camera an cut to Mr. Boring, Ryan. Ryan moved from a trailer to a prefab generic house on a treeless lot. Movin' up! Jimmy tries to help him be a little more natural. It must not have taken, because this is a pretty contrived performance. He's throwing some kind of Morrisey-esque oerwrought phrasing on some of these notes. It was again kind of detached, emotionless. And, he looks kind of orange. Mariah has wisdom when she says sing it like you wrote it -- so many of these singers only "live" for the BIG notes, and die on the soft ones. He got some tough love, but people are voting for "types" anyway. Is he the last great white hope for the tween girls to vote for?

Angie -- looking more like Miley Cyrus every show -- and that's not a good thing. Reveals she was a theater whore - THAT explains a lot. Jimmy is trying to school her on natural emotion. Yet when she gets onstage, she sings it like a robot. What's with the fake British accent? She has a great voice, but all these singers are just hitting marks. Maybe the Beatles catalog looms huge in my mind being of that generation, but to these kids it's like Frank Sinatra or something, from a million years ago. Not as if living human beings sang these songs. Judges love her, and pimp the shit out of her, because they really, really want her to go far. TCO, you think? They give her the most backhanded compliments of the night.

Side note -- we should take votes on how long her part takes to come over to a normal place on her head LOL. It's getting there, every week. Nikki says the truth, she will sing a Disney song in the future, mark her words.

Devin -- Tin Tin. Pimping his military background. Jimmy tries to wrangle a Adult Contemporary angle out of him on Long and Winding Road? Too much melisma for me, but it is a really good fit for his voice. Makes me remember something I thought earlier -- so many of these Idol picked songs that John Lennon sang, and this was one from Paul -- he was always the better singer. It was slightly boring, but compared with so many of the almost-rans of the Idols before him tonight, it is one of the better ones. I think the judges are echoing my refrain of the lack of emotional connection. Except Nikki, who actually says less connection is more, WTF? Then Randy earns his pay as Nigel's mouthpiece and says some of his catchphrases. Mariah just gets ignored LOL. This show is very schizophrenic tonight.

Janelle -- lest you fergit, she's the last dang legitimit hick left in this gosh durn competishun. I say this with love, because I'm from Tennessee, but god damn, those are some hick accents y'all. She dials it back on the song. It's more of a Dolly Parton pop crossover-country vibe. Very pretty arrangement, she looks great, had a couple of bum notes but for the most part very nice. It actually sounded like a song on a variety show from the early 70s, which is the highest praise I can muster for the night. So many seemed like competition performances it was kind of refreshing. 

Nigel must want her to stay, so the judges mouth his words. Are they pimping her to be FarmBot (Carrie Underwood) Number Two?

Who's in trouble? I guess Lazaro should worry the most.Maybe Burnell will be with him. If a girl winds up in the B3, I'm afraid Candice got the least pimpage.