<i><b>THIS</b> is AMERICAN IDOL!</i>


Thursday, March 19, 2015

The Mic Drop Off The Edge Of Sanity

Idol Top… Ten? Let’s just call it Movie Night.

Nile Rodgers is the mentor tonight. What a talented dude, and it segues into the lamest group sing in possibly all of Idol history. Ryan comes out sporting the scruffiest trendy beard of his life. It's ON now, Idol!

The judges come out, and for once I don’t want Keith’s t-shirt LOL. It’s just aiight tonight (Surfing Cowboys). Harry looks like it’s any other Thursday, and Jlo looks babalicious for some reson. Dr. L commented that Jlo will wear these mega-short dresses and then constantly pull them down, because half the audience could look up her skirt.

Oh, OK, Ryan says Jlo is going to perform so that explains it. Ryan plays a little tutorial about who Nile Rodgers is for the kids — but did you know the original title of Freak Out was Fuck Off? He and his partner wrote it when they got turned away from Studio 54 one night. I think he got the last laugh.

Jeff Gordon wanders out to deliver Ryan’s envelope of Doom. What a weird celebrity mashup! But I guess it’s all for the Fox overlord’s plan. Was it just me or does he look like Henry Rollins younger, preppier brother?

The red chairs light up. Adanna gets the call to come on down first. To me, singing a song from Dreamgirls is kind of cheating? She’s in the KOD spot though. She looks good, and she has a good voice but this is kind of shaky in the beginning. She gets it under control about midway. The judges give similar comments and also some stage advice. I don’t know how these 18 year olds can realistically emote.

Daniel made it? God help us. This is shaping up to be a trainwreck. Nile tactfully deflects him from the piano, and then the dufus chooses the guitar. I guess he can just blend in after the first few verses there though. Jesus, he sucks in the beginning of this. And keeps sucking. This song is just way too mature for him. But hey, the voting isn’t based on logic, but emotion, so if he made it this far he’ll keep failing upwards. Jlo softballs the negative critcism, and Harry does the same. Keith searches for something positive, basically saying his arrangement made the most of a lesser vessel.

Up next is Rayvon. Doing Staying Alive, a la Prince? What’s with the falsetto tonight? I feel like if he auditioned with this rendition they would have laughed him off. This was amazingly even shittier than Daniel’s in my book. Harry again tries to softball in some legit criticism and the boos hit like a tsunami. Come on people, they need to know when they suck. Jlo and Keith have to creep up on saying it wasn’t good as well. It was a fail from his douchey hat on down through his Jailhouse Rock Elvis costume. I am still waiting tonight for a good performance!

Nick made it? God damn! Doing Danger Zone in his Nickelback/Daughtrey knockoff style? Tonight has been so shitty I have to say this is not as bad as the rest. Dr. L asked if he “broke out” like Harry wanted. LOL! I don’t know if I’d say that. He did the patented “take a dump” squat combined with swinging his arm around Citizen Kane style, like he’s making a speech. This is still a crazy-ass song choice. What is up with these guys tonight? Harry calls him out on this. Ryan coats his mother in nasty melting ice cream, ha.

Joey hits the stage next. I like that she’s dressed as a quirky character from a Wes Anderson movie. I am so happy she chose Mad World. This could be huge. It’s more subdued than I thought but (maybe because I love this song) I loved it. It was kind of serious and moody. And holy crap, they finally whitened her teeth! Hallelujah! Keith calls her an “Ottist”. Best of the night so far.

And then there’s Tyanna. She’s doing freaking Circle of Life? What’s with these children singing big adult songs? But I think she can pull it off. Again it starts off so low she is almost inaudible. Then when it gets high she’s off-key for the first few bars. She gets it back and then loses it again. I think she’s been off-key more than not. That look at the end said it all: she saw this as some sort of muscular feat, and she didn’t pull it off. Harry says as much. When he calls her on it, the audience acts surprised, so weird. Jlo simply bails on her comment, and Keith does a bait-and-switch with his where he praises her for something else than slams her. But it was not good. She was just shrieking it.

Jlo performs her number (clearly taped earlier). I applaud her for just singing and not booty-shaking her way though weak vocals. Her special effects are cray-cray. That’s a magic dress! I liked it. I usually speed through this segment but I watched it all. That’s like a Grammy y’all.

Quentin gets his green chair. He’s doing a super slow version of that goofy song from Grease? Nile and Scott slam him for his pitch. What about tonight? I like his pimp daddy costume. This is surprisingly a great arrangement. Did someone else cover this? I would never have expected this. But he did a good job. Aha! Keith rats him out that he didn’t come up with the arrangement. But I guess Idols do this all the time. Harry calls him on his pitch. But I think along with Joey he’s one of our resident artists this season and so that’s not so much why you vote for him.

Maddie jumps up like the chair is electrified. We hear about how she’s been sick for 2 weeks — we should start an Idol rewind list of all the contestants who limp along perpetually sick all season. She’s singing a song from Footloose. She’s sharp all through it, and for a song that is so upbeat she was amazingly lackluster. That last note was like someone stepping on a goose. So blah. Harry calls her on it. Keith tries to blame it on the song, but isn’t it really her talent that makes or kills it? She’s our last IBW for whatever that’s worth. But are any straight guys voting anymore? I don’t know if someone like Katherine McPhee would make it as far anymore.

Kenny Loggins comes out, and at an apparent age of 120, STILL blows all the Idols off the stage. He looks like freakin’ Jed Clampett and he’s still rocking.

Clark gets his shot singing a Maroon Five song. Sunday Morning. Again, he knocks it out of the park. Harry says THE EXACT SAME THING — we are on some kind of wavelength tonight. Right now, there is no competition for him.

OK, a “cliffhanger” where Jax and Qaasim come to the stage. If there is a God, Qaasim goes home. AND there is!!! Although I do love Qaasim’s one-sleeve vampire-slaying gangster costume.

(Just imagine this with one less sleeve)

Jax is doing That sweet song from Wedding Singer. This is a wacky song choice that mainly works because of its quirky earnestness. She actually does a pretty good job with it. And she stays in tune, so that puts her in the Top 3. Smart move to pick something Adam Sandler made famous LOL.

So Qaasim sings for the Save. Do we even need to do this? He’s singing Come Together, and the props and gestures alone would have fired up Vote For The Worst to save him for weeks to come. The mic drop at the end, BWAH HA HAAA!!! No way they save him! No way! That sucked beyond belief.

And of course, they save him. What a ridiculous moment! That was terrible, just objectively awful, lacking in any discernible merit either vocally or in his creepy, awkward, stalk-the-stage sweaty performance. And yet, Idols powers-that-be keep him in. Well, that just killed a better singer down the line. I’m truly flabbergasted.

Best of the night (really the only good performances) were Clark, Joey, Jax. Worst by FAR was Qaasim. Followed by Daniel and Rayvon. The rest are all awash in the middle. None of this makes any sense so I would say they only postponed the inevitable by sending Qaasim and Daniel home next week. But that probably won’t happen. The week Clark gets voted off and Daniel stays they’ll be sorry LOL.

I can't wait to hear what you thought of tonight's ep!

Dr. L & K out!!!

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