<i><b>THIS</b> is AMERICAN IDOL!</i>


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Songs From The Year You Were Born...

... just shows how much Idol contestants hate music that's as old as them.

Tonight Dr. L is in Portlandia! She had to watch Idol on a hotel TV, but seems to have heard pretty much the same thing I did: tonight was a lot of "meh" with a couple of "wows".

First off -- Nigel, Seacrest and crew can't help themselves, can they? They're turning the Jermaine debacle into a shameless ratings ploy. We won't see his exit until much later.

Phil -- sounded about the same as always. Talk about song choice -- this guy is either finding the perfect ones for his incredibly-limited range, or it doesn't matter, it's all going to come out like recycled DMB.

Jessica -- the 1st of the ridiculous arrangements of the night. How hokey was that rendition? She did "aaight" as the Dawg would say, but there's a reason they stick you in 2nd place after the pimp spot the week before. You ain't bringing it.

Heejun -- dude, you're fulfilling the worst predictions of the pre-season -- why are you singing these dreary songs? He did okay, but he's hanging on with his comedy routine now. Which, in the Idolverse, can take you pretty far. Who knows.

Elise -- I thought this was great. Like all the 21st century singers (apparently), she melisma's the hell out of parts of it, but everybody does that. I think she's got one of the more interesting voices.

Deandre -- he wasn't feeling it, I wasn't feeling it for damn sure. The poor boy was totally phoning it in. One of the complete crap performances of the night. We've seen it before: Jimmy or someone like him gets the singer to change his/her song, and it sabotages them. He could be toast.

Shannon -- she seems to have ability, but not as much as she thinks, and her delivery is blustery but soulless.

Colton -- made the cardinal mistake of "rocking'" Idol singers -- don't pick a song that, as he said, has to be "hard rock", because guess what: the Idol band CAN'T ROCK HARD. Never has, never will. It always comes off like it did tonight, like the anemic version the band plays at your 10-year High School reunion. Did you notice the disgust Steven Tyler hurled at him? It was actually a good performance from Colton, but an affront to Rock. But he's safe.

Erika -- great voice, pretty good performance -- but does anyone else think her "confidence" maybe comes across as a little cocky? It's like, a look in her eye when she gives that baby-toothed smile of hers. Part of Idol, to me, always seems to be knowing how to seem humble and grateful to America, and she isn't playing that shit. Could hurt her.

Okay, Drama Time: Nigel & Ken Warwick confront Jermaine on-camera about his fuck-up. As I listened to it, I was struck by something I had thought about him in weeks past, receiving critique after his songs: he's actually kind of a simpleton. Listen to what he says, when Nigel is laying out the scenario. I really think he's got some kind of cognitive impairment, and it seems like this is coupled with an anger management problem. Not unheard of in music, for sure but -- so long, Big Man.


Skyler -- this was one song where I felt Jimmy and Will got it right -- they said, "is there enough for you here"? -- and really, there wasn't. Oh, she sang the Bejeezus out of it, but as Dr. L said, the result was "she sounded whiney, like she was pushing too hard to make it fun".

Joshua -- now, the actual competition begins. This was the 1st song of the nite that didn't sound like Karaoke Tyme. Maybe it seemed so good because the others were so mediocre, or inauthentic, but it really stood out. The crawfish sure looked good, too… hm, is Idol playing to the South to save him?

Hollie -- and, if anyone could top Joshua, it's Hollie. I really think she's the best overall singer of the bunch: good power, nice tone, is really polished. She looked nice, and is trying to work up a performance (she definitely is getting used to the camera). Next to Hollie, Shannon sounds like the pocket-transistor AM version of a hi-fi song.

It really was the Joshua-Hollie show, for me, and Dr. L. Does that equate to votes, though…

Who's going home? I think Randy pronouncing Heejun gone is bad news. (he was the only judge vicious enough to play the twisted elf Seacrest's mean-spirited game tonight). Deandre deserves to go, in my book, for that inert performance. And Shannon is so freaking bland. But as Erika said last week (you could hear her commiserating with the others in the bottom-vote stool area) she's one of the 'old ladies', and apparently the tweentards who do the bulk of Idol voting don't care that she's got that big ol' voice.

So I say Heejun or Erika it is, unless Idol pulls a switcheroo over the Jermaine Drama and makes no one go home. If we had to pick a B3, Shannon deserves to be in it.

-- K

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