<i><b>THIS</b> is AMERICAN IDOL!</i>


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

I Don't Believe They Can Fly

Boys Top 10 from Vegas:

Holy Crap -- when I saw this lineup of losers my first thought was of that classic scene from Animal House where Flounder and Pinto first go to the asshole fraternity, and Neidermeyer leads them over to the line with Mohammed, Jugdish, Syndney and Clayton. These guys belong in that line.

1. Elijah -- what is this song? His voice is pretty good but this song is boring as hell. Idol Skunk Hair alert! The judges are blowing smoke until Randy (of all people) kept it real and said it was stuck in 1st gear.

BTW it cracks me up when they talk about records these guys will make AFTER Idol. Hey, these fools have to survive a little further first. Otherwise, Oblivion.

2. Cortez -- good looking kid, a whatev voice.  Glad this was an uptempo number, but it sounded like a reject from Up With People or something (remember the 80s?). When a judge asks how a contestant "feels" it's never good. It's always a prelude for a slam -- and it was. This is so much smoke and mirrors with all the judges, when really it's all down to his performance -- and this one was pretty forgettable.

3. Charley -- Vote For The Worst's pick! wtf is up with this kid? He looks ridiculous -- he makes Sanjaya look like a consummate pro. This song is kind of like a slow train wreck -- and those FACES! Is he in on some joke we don't know? Keith said it -- it's disingenuous. Maybe this guy had some momentum from Hollywood? But We didn't see it. PS - Kid has some issues. Kind of scary.

BTW, love how Mariah says "On-SOM-Bluh". 
Dr. L said KatPee's mom sure is getting a lot of screen time this go-round.

4. Nick -- what's up with these pasty wimps showing skin and chest hair? He looked way cuter with hair. In fact, he looks better in almost every clip EXCEPT now on Idol. Whatever. Pleasant tone to his voice, but kill me now, these have been the most boring songs ever performed in one night on Idol.
Sometimes Nicki sounds like she really understands music, then other times she's batshit crazy. 

5. Urkel -- no, wait, Burnell. Nice voice, but he looks like he wandered in from some kind of church choir trip from Omaha. He can sing, and this song was right in many ways for him, but could he be a pop singer? He is probably the best of the night so far. The judges' comments have never seemed more meaningless than this season LOL. Randy spends so much time reading Nigel's notes in front of him it's ridiculous. Dr. L said Mariah's comments never really add anything. Her faves are Keith and Nicki LOL.

6. Paul -- the Great White Hope of this season. Probably the cutest guy left, so tweens will vote for him even though he probably bats for another team. He did all right in the beginning but ran out of room in his range maybe in the high parts. He'll probably make it a little further, right?

The whole night, I've been thinking about what RT said, and I really think Idol did set up these guys as cannon fodder for the girls.

7. Lazaro -- stuttering guy -- one of Idol's sob stories this year? He can sing! Cute little guy, Dr. L said. I was a little worried when the song started, but he pulled it off. I wish he could do some kind of Marc Anthony thing and cut loose. The crowd loved him, the judges give him a tongue bath. 1st In It To Win It of the night!!! Nigel wants him to go forward, huh?

8. Curtis -- CJ -- Jr. -- Hey, I'm glad to see white hi-tops are coming back LOL. It's like 1990 all over again, y'all. This performance is a big old mess. It descends into lunacy, so VFTW might pick him up if Charley fails. But lo and behold -- he gets a standing O? WTF? The audience loves it? Man, I must have something wrong with my ears. That sucked ass. Nicki says he set the bar? I guess the Jesus thing will get the fundies voting.

Oh! There was a glimpse of the Mirage lava show. Cool. 

9. Devin -- This kid looks like Pee Wee Herman, seriously. Hearing this song, my arteries just closed up, and I aged 30 years. The Spanish part was more interesting, but good Lord, can we not sing songs from this century? His voice is fine (a little bit of a shaky start) but I keep thinking, who cares? 

10. Vincent -- ha! This guy looks like the dancing old man from the Six Flags commercials, remember them?

I realized as he was singing, he should be phenomenal -- he's in the pimp spot, right? And yet, it's just so much hot air. I couldn't give less of a crap about this guy making it or not. I still love Keith; Nicki's lollipops are going to get old; Randy better get a teleprompter; and Mariah is cracking me up with her meandering comments that get played off by the band every time LOL.

I feel like America is being Punk'd! How are these the best of ALL the guys who auditioned? There's no way. I wish I had seen some of the lead-in shows to see how the scam was laid out by Idol. I'm sure it was a thing of diabolical beauty. 

I can't wait to see who makes it tomorrow!  

1 comment:

Rubbertoe said...

LOVED your review....much more entertaining than the entire show tonight.
Believe it or not....THAT was these guys at their very best. I was actually a little shocked on how well they did...aside from Charlie.
I am really anxious for tomorrow's show to see who will get through. There are bound to be a couple of surprises. What WON'T be a surprise will be the theatrics of Idol's "last minute" scripted drama to give the judges a couple of wildcards to save a couple of the people who shouldn't have been cut. Can't wait to see it in all its bad scripted drama come about.