<i><b>THIS</b> is AMERICAN IDOL!</i>


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Fuck You, Iovine, I'm Singing Tone Loc, "Ace is in the House" from Ace Ventura

Alabama's Own Paul -- Jimmy and Will.I.Am might be having a blast rehearsing but they were suggesting some crazy shit to sabotage his ass. Love that Will.I.Am pointed out the absurdity of pimping up that song. K thinks this was a carnival freak performance, combined with the Death Slot, that bodes ill. L says it was energetic, but doesn't know if he "did anything" with it.

Lauren -- Iovine dares speak the truth about Miley! Props. Will.I.Am is becoming our favorite. K hates this song, but OF COURSE she outsang Miley on it. On her worst day, she could. Still ahead of the song, but good. Outfit probably age-appropriate, but looks weird because she looks prematurely old. L says makeup was great, and outfit was cute. Great job, seemed more comfortable.

OMG, Lauren's mom looks like a truckstop floozy.

Stefano -- I have a theory Idol dresses the contestants they have a target on in "casual" outfits. Stefano looks like he's on his way to meet his buddies at the Mall. We'll see. K thinks it was another Stefano run-of-the-mill performance, fair vocals ruined a little with his Flatbush-esque phrasing. L just thinks it's silly, too staccato when he sings. It's not that he CAN'T hold a note, he just WON'T.

JLo said shit! Most Beautiful Potty Mouth.

Scotty -- Jimmy thinks he fucked up by picking the George Strait song. His fans wouldn't care if he keeled off the right side of his stool and barked like a hound dog. K says he liked the other song better, and Scotty had some bum notes for a change, but it won't matter a rat's ass, this kid is Top 4 bound. L says he selected a more recent song because he's playing to his base. He knows he needs to work it to win.

Has JLo been drinking? She's laughing, cursing. Even DARED to say Scotty wasn't great tonight.

Casey -- what's with the Henry Higgins getup? A freakin' ascot? Wow. Jimmy thought Casey was committing Idol hari-kiri by doing Nature Boy. K says loved it, he will remember this performance, whereas In The AIr Tonight would have probably been middle-of-the-road bland and forgettable. L says she likes performances that suck you in like this, she loved it too. But will America?

JLo is reading shit off her screen! Yeah, she's loaded.

Hailey -- K hates that she can't help smiling in every damn song! Started okay, descended into shrill pitchy crap. She checked out 30 sends before the song ended. L is tired of her swinging that left arm around! Gonna hit the guitar player. She thinks Haley concentrates too much on the words/performance and is never into the song.
Side note: every week, Haley keeps true to the Idol Haleys by slutting it up as she feels the votes slipping. The purple hooker boots and the song about prostitution were a good fit.

JLo makes drunken rant in support of girl power. Still reading from some panel on the table. Who writes it?

Jacob -- Iovine takes Jacob to SCHOOL about the mirror comment. Jacob is the Anti-Casey, in that he totally caved and went with Jimmy/Will.I.Am's choice over his own. He doesn't look happy doing it...K says they were right, this was perhaps the best of Jacob's performances, though it was no match for the version Clay did, as L reminded me. Working the Jesus vote -- will it help?

James (Tenacious) D -- man, this is the week to spit in Iovine/Will's face! Take that, Mr. Man! K says James blew the muthafuckin ROOF off the sucka! METAL!!! Incredible that they got Zack Wylde to shred on the song. Great. L says loved it!
Side note -- so funny to see the polo-shirt wearing audience members looking confused as hell as to how to move during his performance.

(massive Led Zeppelin-sized space)

(Jimmy Iovine's Ego-sized space)


Our bottom three: Stefano, Paul, Hailey, Paul's (Porter Waggoner on Acid) goes home

America's B3: Stefano, Paul, Jacob, Stefano goes home.

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