Just Say No -

- to drinking out of Paula's cup, people. Seriously - but we'll get back to that train wreck later.

Idol REALLY needs to say no to the mentor idea; it's obviously just become a way to sell more records for the mentor, probably with some kickback for Idol.

But from the asteroid of truly unpopular opinion, spinning deep in the cold reaches of space, say no to Brooke White.

The breakdown:

David C: Cookie brought it, but maybe we're so used to him bringing it week in/out it didn't elevate the night in a "Billie Jean" way. Still, far and away the best, and I so agree the 2nd song could get serous airplay today - who else did that last night? (Crickets chirp)

Syesha: come on, a good first performance, maybe not great, but equal to the theme and the second was a -real- performance. If you're older than thirteen, it worked better as a whole than:

David A: A competent theme park performance. The shameless choice of heartland-manipulating American iconography in "America" made it even more Six Flags/Heritage USA. I KNOW he can sing, I KNOW he'd sell a mazillion records if he won - but who'd buy them? Not me, and if you look deep in your hearts, not you. I can't even call his "lean forward while you demonstrate a refrigerator on Price Is Right" stage gestures a performance.

Castro: you have to feel for the dude. His soul has been BA-ROKEN (to quote the crazy ass Brittenum twin) and it shows. If he was phoning in his performance, it was on a coffee can and a string. Especially after the sabotage that was perpetrated by Paula before his second song. But it was eminently more listenable than:

Brooke: Seriously, I thought Kristy Lee was back singing "Eight Days A Week" with Brooke's frenetic rendition of "I'm A Believer". And I really think we've become so conditioned to warbly notes, fast sloppy playing, forgotten lyrics and arguing with the judges that even a mediocre performance like her "I Am, I said" seems pretty good by comparison. And where exactly are those shores of Arizona?

The real performance of the night belongs to Paula, though. Her reveal to the world of some of the obvious staging of Idol was mind-blowing. If you buy into the explanation that her "2nd song" comment was meant for Cook, listen again: she says it lacked personality, and that the two combined made it seem he wasn't trying hard enough to make the final four. WTF? And then she says, "oh, but David, you were fantastic!" Obviously, the comments were meant for Jason, because the judges parroted basically the same thing when he ACTUALLY SANG a second song. Poor Jason had to sit there, knowing his judgement was pre-ordained, and sing anyway. What the hell? It was, as Simon said, one of the weirdest nights on Idol evah.

We didn't know if we had to have a bottom two, but here's our guess if we did:

K's Bottom two, Jason and Brooke. Brooke is sailing away to that Arizona coastline.

L's bottom two, the same, with The Cuteness going home.